Catfish Robbed of Victory by Akamites, Score: 16 - 11

Dear Catfish Nation,

In the words of John “Tweetie Bird” Costello: “A different hero every game: that’s how this team is built.” Truer words were never spoken. Consider the clutch RBI single by Weisenheimer Weininger in the bottom of the 6th; and the several superior snags on the field by the likes of Kate “Catch-Well” Caldwell, Alexa The Perplexer, Savagely Savage Christine Savage, Matthew The Baffler Abbate, The Beast Mauser, and not least of all the fine catch at home plate by H-Bomb Hasley to hold the runner at 3rd. And who could forget the pickle in the 7th, which involved, I believe, a total of 4 Fish: Hellie Dawg, Savagely Savage, Butters, and The Perplexer? A truly fine moment for all Fish to be proud of.

Yes, we fought heroically through the raging storm. We played on bravely, not only through the raindrops but through the onslaught brought on by the Akamites. But in the end we were robbed of our victory. Many of us were brutally robbed last night—robbed of fine smashes that should’ve gotten us on base but were instead mercilessly caught by Akamites: Butters, John The Battler Abbate, Tweetie Bird, Hellie-Dawg, The Beast, Catch-Well Caldwell, Alexa the Perplexer—all were robbed of glorious moments. Still many of us battled back: singles were much appreciated by Butters, Greg The Menace Dokshin, The Battler Abbate, Tweetie Bird, Hellie Dawg, The Weisenheimer, The Perplexer, The Baffler Abbate, M Lo Bionic Toe, Richie Rich Wladkowski, Evan The Beast, and even yours truly. The Baffler and The Perplexer even added doubles to the pile of Fish hits.

As the score card shows, the tides were turning in our favor, and I believe if we’d played a few more innings we would’ve beaten those Akamites, stolen back our hits like a modern-day Robin Hood and distributed them more equally among the downtrodden, for the betterment and increased glee of all. We’ll have to wait to do that until next season, Fish, as that was our last game against the Akamites this year.

Please join us next Tuesday when we face Zeta Psi on field 8. Until then, hold your heads high and proud, and rage on, Fish, through any storm you may face.

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	total
Akamites	2	4	3	4	3	0	0	16
Catfish	1	0	1	4	0	3	2	11

Catfish Give Shadow Masks a Trouncing, Beat Them 22 - 10

Good morning, Catfish Nation!

 

Last night was a good night to be a Catfish (but when isn’t it a good time to be a Catfish?) as we took the Shadow Masks to task for being the opposing team (how dare they oppose us?). We were again a strong, Leviathan-esque beast, comprising 16 fishes. Alexa The Perplexer rejoined us in a triumphant return from her Grand Tour of the European continent.

 

The game began inauspicously, in sweltering heat (once again hotter than a monkey’s bum), with the Masks leading 8 to 6 by the bottom of the 2nd. We Fish had our work cut out for us, and we buckled down and Got It Done. Beautiful batting by just about everyone: Butters had a glorious 3 run homer (snapping himself out of a self-described slump—though I wish I could slump like Butters); John Abbate the Battler had 3 singles, and displayed a lot of hustle; The Scalder Caldwell both Hitwell and Ranwell, with a well-earned single; Tslammy Tsai rested his guns last night and provided us with a mere 2 or 3 singles and a double; Erin the H-Bomb provided us with an RBI; Johnny The Butchie Costello gave us a triple, 2 doubles, and a graceful-as-a-gazelle slide into home plate; The Savagely Savage Christine Savage gave us a single; Alexa the Perplexer smacked a wondrous double; Katie Hellie-Dawg Hi-Def gave us a single, and then, after much patience through dubious pitches, was rewarded with a glorious double; Matt the Birthday Boy Abbate was in fine form, hitting singles and a double; M-Lo Bionic Toe  Lowenthal was 3 for 3, all doubles; Greg The Menace got at least a single, despite wearing denims in the excruciating heat; Evan The Beast Mauser got a double, a single, and (of course) a home run; Ricardo Wladkowski got a delightful double; Jose Hot Stuff Herrero gave us 2 singles; and yours truly, Captain Batty, did not have a hit per se, but (ahem) I did bring a runner home.

 

Our fielding also went swimmingly, with some particularly fine feats on display by Hellie-Dawg, Tslammy, Butters, and The Beast (“Butters and The Beast” will soon be Disney fun for the whole family, and you’ll be able to buy little Butters and Beast figurines at McDonalds with your filet-o-fish. [O! The Humanity]). When the score was final, we cheered the Masks poetically with this little ditty, devised by M-Lo Bionic Toe: “No need to ask / We all bask / in the light / of the Shadow Masks!” A poignant tribute to our shadowy foes who have such a paradoxically sunny disposition.

 

Joyous celebration followed at the Muddy Charles Pub, where our Phanatical Phil the Zealot was waiting for us, zealously saving us a table with a good view of the Red Sox game. Thanks Phil! The Shadow Masks showed up and we graciously bought them a pitcher of the finest brew, and we all toasted each other with good cheer.

 

Please join us next Tuesday when face our newly discovered evil Nemesis of all time: the Akamites.  

 

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	total
Catfish	1	5	0	4	6	2	4	22
Masks	4	4	0	0	1	0	1	10