Analysis of the 2012 Koch Blockers (Game 1)

Before we implement our covert outfielders and psychedelic gum strategies on the rematch with the BE Natural Killers, I wanted to write something up quick about the Koch Blockers. Unlike the Killers, the Blockers were one of the more competitive-free teams we've ever played. Oh, they wanted to win, but I never saw or heard an ounce of aggression from any of the players. They seem to be like a Catfish clone of some days gone by, which was refreshing to see. They seemed to be there mainly for the company with softball running second.

A few notes:

1) Their batting order was top heavy, so if we can handle the first couple of people then the next few innings should run rather smoothly. I think only one guy blasted the ball pretty well, so if you see a guy who gets up to bat who has a warm up swing that reeks of indifference, don't be fooled. Back up.

2) I didn't see too many errors by anyone in the infield, so be prepared not only to make every sprint from home to first base count but also be wary of double plays.

3) The outfield seemed solid as well, though I don't recall what their arm strength was like. One may be able to nick an extra base if the ball is fielded deep enough.

I could also comment on how hitting to right field could be abused consistently, but why bring it up? The Koch Blockers are a crew of easygoing players that would fit well on our team in terms of temperament and personality. Since neither team really pulled away in this game, there will likely be a close match whenever we face them. We just have to remember that we can't just sleepwalk through innings if we hope to be victorious, for the Blockers could just as easily score a few more runs than us at the last moment.

Though I can't fathom what a Killers vs. Blockers game might look like, I do know that a Killers vs. Catfish rematch is like Game 2 of the Celtics vs. the Heat! Except we win... and Rajon Picazio gets a triple (and a) double.

Koch Blockers 4, Catfish 9!

Dear Catfish Nation:

Catfish were victorious this past Friday against the Koch Blockers! (Please note that is pronounced "Coke Blokers.") The attached scoreboard (kept meticulously by Katie "Hellie Dawg" Dokshina) shows what an exciting game it was.

We were quite a full team, 16 fishes of us at our peak, including two much missed Fish from the olden times, Alyssa "Wicked Pyssa!" Larose and Daniel "Mr. Zippy" Mickus, along with a fresh young shortstop the Fish have on our radar, Bea "Pee Wee Beazles" LaRose Mickus.

Batting first, "Pickles" Picazio; second, "The Perfesser" Nedeau; third, "The Menace" Dokshin; fourth, "Tslammin' Johnny" Tsai; fifth, Jim "Hungry like DeWolf" Dewolf; sixth, "Mr. Zippy" Mickus; seventh, "Savagely Savage" Christine Savage; eighth, "Butters ['Oh, hamburgers!']" Elwell; ninth, Kate "The Scalder" Elwell; tenth, "The Beast" Mauser; eleventh, "Wicked Pyssa" Larose; twelfth, "The Perplexer" Lash; thirteenth, "That Pesky Pole" Wladkowski; fourteenth, "The H Bomb" Hasley; fifteenth, yours truly, Captain Batty; and finally, "M Lo" Lowenthal.

Koch Blockers started out quite strong, and had us shaking in our Fishy little boots, especially given that we were once again lacking the zealous cheers of Phil "The Laughing Man" Laughlin. O where had his zeal gone, we wailed, when it was tied up in the 3rd? Why oh why has he taken his kindly, zealous visage so far away from us? Thank goodness we had the smiling doggy countenance of Osa the Mimosa-Drinking Hound; but still, we pined for the support of the Laughing Man.

But we are Fish, and we are proud, and we are fighters. Our bats were on fishy fire, especially those of Pickles, Hungry Like DeWeolf, Savagely Savage, the Beast, The Pole, the H Bomb, and M Lo, all of whom got singles; and even more on fishy fire were the bats of the Menace and Butters (doubles) and the Perfesser and Tslammy (triples).

Still, we were concerned; this was no easy fish-pie-in-the-sky win for the Fish. The defining moment, however, came in the 6th inning, when--lo, and behold--who should arrive to cheer us on but Ellen "The Big Cheese" Faran! Our fishy spirits soared and we likewise rose to the occasion. As it happened, with one out, H Bomb got on base after a long battle at the plate. I then managed to get on through a fielder's choice. H Bomb was out at 2nd--2 outs. Would this be the crushing end of the inning? No: Next, M Lo stepped up and kept the fires burning, getting me to 2nd and himself to first. Tension building, Pickles stepped up. "NO PRESH, PICKLES!" we screamed, but there was no need; Pickles kept the streak going and I advanced to 3rd. Next, to the plate, stepped the Perfesser. He paused for a moment, put his finger to his mouth, and worked out some complicated philosophical proof in his head; satisfied, he nodded to the pitcher and with a steely gleam in his eye he smashed himself a hit that took him on a journey all the way to 3rd base. THREE FISHY RUNS SCORE! With this cushion buoying us up, we felt strong going into the top of the 7th, and we proceeded (props to Pickles, Tslammy, and once again the Perfesser) to shut those Koch Blockers down.

I think we can safely say that our soaring flight in the final two innings are thanks to the fearless, forceful cheering of The Big Cheese Faran.

Our next game is Friday, June 1, on the baseball diamond "BB" field (see attached map below), at 5:30 vs. the dastardly BE Natural Killers. I unfortunately will be unable to attend, but I am sure that my fellow fishies will make me proud.

Catfish Robbed of Victory That Was Rightfully Theirs on Opening Day

Catfish Nation: It was a rough season opener for the Catfish. The B(iological) E(ngineering) Natural Killers consisted mainly of one beefcake after another, smashing the ball over the fence and terrorizing the tennis players on the other side. Still, as is our wont, we had piles of fun times.

Two rookies joined us, and they shone and sparkled in the Friday late afternoon sun: Katie "The Most Personable of Personages" Persons, and Jonathan "The Perfesser" Nedeau. (We hear he's got some book larnin' under his belt.) The Perfesser pulled a neat trick at 3rd base, pulling way into left-center field to make a stunning catch and thwart one of the BENK's numerous lefties; he also got on base with some solid hits. KP the Personable won us over at shortstop and 3rd, and she says she will continue to play shortstop for us so long as the pigs are flying and heck is frozen over. We are hoping that rookie Jim “Hungry Like DeWolf” DeWolf will be joining us in the near future.

Other highlights: Kate “The Scalder” Elwell, née “The Scalder” Caldwell, was pitching perfectly. Johnny Tslammin' Tsai scored our first run and also had a lovely double (not to mention his many fantastic plays at 1st, where he proved he's willing to stretch like Gumby to get those outs for the Fish). The 4th inning defensively belonged to Marc "M Lo" Lowenthal, who single-handedly made all the outs himself, catching fly balls and line drives like a frog catches flies. Savagely Savage Chrstine Savage was robbed of some truly stunning hits, and Ryan "The Pickler" Picazio had some great catches out in center field. Jon "Butters" Elwell, Rich "That Pesky Pole" Wladkowski, Evan "The Beast" Mauser, and Alexa "The Perplexer" (who did indeed perplex the BENKs with her baserunning skillz) also shone, with terrific plays in the outfield and solid hitting.

If we shone so much, you may ask, why was the final score BENKs 22, Catfish 4?

I would say there are a few reasons for this discrepancy. One is that we were missing some key players. Katie "Hellie Dawg" Helke Dokshina, it turns out, has a Hellie Puppy in the oven! So we had to relegate her to scorekeeping. We swaddled her up good in bubble wrap and set up a row of backpacks and bags in front of her for protection. We will miss her this season at 3rd, but given that she has a little Catfish-to-be to think about, we think this sacrifice is worth it. Papa-to be Greg The Menace Dokshin was away at a conference, learning biological secrets that will help us to defeat the BENKs in the future. John “JC Superstar” Costello is on the DL with a sore back (which he arguably brought on himself by going golfing with Josh Beckett and eating too much fried chicken, but still, we hold no grudges, we only want him to be healthy). David “The Weisenheimer” Weininger, also out with a troubled back. James “Scrappy Scraps” Lynch is also on the DL with some tricky shoulder issues, and we missed his barefoot flight around the bases. Jose "Hot Stuff" Herrero, also on the DL, recovering from surgery to his knee. Matthew “The Baffler” Abbate was on the “I have 3 kids who are busier than Barack Obama and I need to drive them around” list. Erin F-Bomb Hasley was on the “oh no, we play FRIDAYS? But I already made plans that cannot be broken!” list, and was out and about wining and dining friends who were in from out of town. (We can only hope that some f bombs were dropped in honor of the Fish’s catastrophic loss.)

But perhaps the deeper reason for our falling short is this: We Catfish have a little thing we like to call Tradition. And Tradition tells us to start off slow, even one might say somewhat pathetically, and then slowly, stealthily build up steam, like a gathering storm, until we are a raging school of furious, snorting, wild Catfish, taking down everyone in our path. That is our plan for the rest of the season, and we do hope you join us for that wild and crazy ride.

Next game: this Friday against the Koch Blockers, on astrotruf field 2, at 5:30.

(Note: The Beast Mauser has kindly typed up a game analysis of our opener, available at http://impenetrableblogoffish.blogspot.com/.)

Analysis of the BE Natural Killers (Game 1)

As the softball landed in the tennis court for the second time in the game, nearly wiping out one of MIT's monotoned populace, I began to think a little more deeply about the moniker of the team we were facing. I know that "BE" stands for some kind of engineering company, but it could also mean "Bludgeoning Effectively", "Big EEK", or "Behold, Effortlessness". They don't really need the last two words, but I'll delve into those individually.

"Natural": As in, some of these guys are naturals. A few of the hitters had batting stances/dances that reminded me of the old 80s/90s hitters that my brother used to imitate. Bats a-waving (Tony Gwynn), arms a-buggin' (Julio Franco) and the seemingly indifferent (Eric Davis) all showed up, and they all found a way to hit the ball in places we weren't or could not be. I had never seen so many swing-and-misses in a slow pitch softball game from a bunch of seemingly awkward batters before this game, and yet when they connected the balls just blasted to various parts of the field. For the first game back from the offseason, needless to say our defense had a difficult time catching up. I'm not sure if it would have helped even at midseason!

There also aren't any predictable outs on the team. The lone lady on the team can hit a pitch with strength, the wayward swinging guys can zing liners to the short field, and the guy who looks like he is automatically going to pull the ball just hits it the other way. Essentially, we can't just wait out the heart of the lineup and capitalize on certain sections of hitters; we need to get outs or we will be out in the field forever.

"Killers": Well, this bit should be obvious. They killed us. Tons of hits, runs, and tricky pitches. (By the way, the pitcher is crafty and tends to send speedy softballs, not tomatoes over the middle.) But where they really killed us is their manipulation of our competitive spirit. Usually when we get annihilated we think the excess tagging up, baserunning, and softball mauling is childish and stands for something lacking in their lives. However, every player on the other team was upbeat, humorous, and generally nice. TOO NICE! With this added weapon of affable personalities, we could not sum up a collective dislike of their team. How do you thrash a team when the shortstop compliments you on the ground ball that you hit (ahem)?

Well, if we are going to beat these guys next time (and the next ... and the next ...) I have a few strategies:

a) John Tsai needs to get taller. As in, we should put him on the rack and stretch him. He laid out for that Butters fireball on a key play, but he only just got it. If we can get him to, say, seven feet tall then no matter where the throws go we'll get those speedy runners out.

b) Place fielders in covert places to catch those elusive fly balls. Place two on the tennis courts, one on the opposite field, one on the metal bench, and one in that red broadcasting booth (?) that Alexa pointed out in the outfield. These players should be dressed similar to those who are in the outfield, so that when it looks like the regular outfielder won't get the ball, they should hide in a camouflaged area. That way, when the hidden fielder arrives with the caught softball it looks like an outfielder actually made the catch (at superspeed and without boundary, sure). Who is up for digging holes, placing mirrors, and planting a line of incongruous shrubberies by the fence?

c) Pepper the ball. Kate needs to wear gloves when she pitches so that she is not affected, but the idea is to lace a game ball with pepper. When the ball heads over the plate the opposing hitters will get a case of the sneezes and, thus, make even more awkward swings at the ball. When the other team takes the field, be sure to switch out the pepper ball with a different ball so they don't suspect anything. Oh, make sure the switched ball is corked ... so we can launch it through windows OVER the tennis courts!

If we do these three things we can beat these guys. Better hitting, defense, and a decent buzz might also help.