Impenetrable Blog of Fish: Fish battle Whybunts to bitter end: Fish 29, WBs 30

Dear Catfish Nation,

The scoreboard tells the story here in our bravest battle thus far against our pals, yet also now our arch nemeses, the wily Whybunts.

These Whybunts are a force to be reckoned with, and reckon with them we did. They are undefeated this season and have beaten some of the toughest teams in the league this year—yet we gave them a real What For, Catfish! We were deeply inspired last night by our biggest little fan, Edith Lil Mouse Mauser, who was there to cheer us on her very own 3rd birthday. We fought as hard as we could for her. Her own father Evan The Beast Mauser blasted 2 homeruns, all while screaming “FOR EDITH!!!!!” as he powered around the bases. Richard the Raucous Wladkowski solidified his membership in the homerun club with an early blammo, and Na-Slam-Well Trippe also tossed a homerun on the pile. There may have been other homeruns as well, so please correct me, Fish, if I’m missing any of them.

I believe all our bats were blazing, and all of us made it to a base or two. Other fiery fishy highlights include a huge 2-out rally in the top of the 4th, and our defensive clampdown in the bottom of the 5th, when Buttery Butters Elwell and Chris Mr. Stretchy Eyer had some fine plays between themselves at shortstop and 1st. All Fish as ever contributed their ferocity to this battle, and all deserve mention: Levi The Leviathan, sacrificing his fingies at 2nd (screaming “FOR EDITH!!!”), and swinging the bat like a maniac; John Tslammy Tsai, with his usual powerful blammo hits; Nate JAG!! Band, hustling in the outfield and racking up the RBIs; Jamie the Jamiable Emerson, managing not to skin his knee this time, while chasing down many hard-hit Whybunt blasts; Yar Mr. Tatty Laakso, hitting like a machine and running like a fiend; Erin The H-Bomb Hasley, hustling behind the plate and intimidating pitchers with her shenanigans, earning herself some fine hits; John the Battler Abbate, displaying aggressive base-running the likes of which we’ve never seen; and Matt The Baffler Abbate, pitching with aplomb and style and doing his best to befuddle the Whybunts.

Ultimately, if we lost to the Whybunts, I think we know the reason behind it: their specialist in psychological warfare, who goes by the name “Alison” (who knows her true identity). We’re devising our own plans to infiltrate their ranks and learn more about what makes them tick—other than, of course, pitchers of beer at the Muddy. We tip our hats and our cups full of beer to you, Whybunts, for a game well played and hard won. We’ll get you next time! And Happiest of Birthdays, little Edith. Our little fish-hearts are broken that we couldn’t win this one for you!

Please join us next week when we play the Strawdogs on the Women’s Softball Diamond.