Dear Catfish Nation,
Your heroes, the Catfish, battled long and hard in a double header against the BE Natural Killers last night. We’re told that “BE” stands for Biological Engineering. Word on the street is that they’ve biologically engineered themselves into human-robot hybrids with superhuman batting and fielding powers, who may be aiming for world domination, though in a very affable, friendly fashion.
The scoreboard shows what a fantastic fight we put up against these powerful foes. We were missing HellKat Helke and Richie Rich Wladkowski owing to unforeseen events, but we Fish do not let each other down, and Tslammy Tsai and Ryan The Pickler Picazio stepped right up and into their shoes. David DeeGeeDubs Weininger also showed off his chops at shortstop, giving Jon Butters Elwell some much-needed coaching time with the littlest Fish, Robley the Rocket.
All of us in the giant pile of Fish pulled our weight: Leviathan Rubeck, with his leadoff triple, Na-Slam-Well Trippe with the powerful bats and golden glove in center field, robbing them of runs, the aforementioned Butters and Tslammy—both not only hitting well but also fielding like gods. I would be remiss were I not to mention Tslammy’s incredible snag late in Game 2 of a line drive to first. The ball was so fast I think it went back in time. I didn’t even see what happened and there it was in Tslammy’s glove. Also, these games marked Jamie “The J’amiable” Emerson’s triumphant return to our outfield, where he dutifully made an impressive sliding catch and ripped up his knee (the one he hadn’t covered with a brace, naturally). Welcome back J’amiable! DeeGeeDubs not only shone at shortstop but also ran those bases with a hungry aggression the likes of which I’ve never seen before. Yar “The Finn” Laakso was hitting like his bit was made of fire, as was Pickles Picazio, who was robbed of a couple beauties that really should’ve been homeruns if there were any justice in the world. The Slayer McNair, one of our rookies, showed he is no one to mess with in the outfield or behind the plate. He is one of our rising natural stars! Kate Pitch-well Elwell got a handsome single and also pitched with power, while Erin The Hustling H-Bomb Hasley batted with a fury, as did the very speedy John At-Bat-Tay, and his father Matt-Bat-Tay. Jamie the Gentle Giant, another rookie, is showing amazing promise, catching all kinds of things out there in the outfield and hitting a double.
We were very proud of ourselves for shutting them out in that first inning of game 2. We were just getting warmed up, and a rally looked possible in the 5th, when we deployed our secret weapon Yaryanjay, but it was just not quite enough to overcome those BENKs. We sent them off with a cheer devised by our Leviathian: “All Killa No Filla!”
Still we Fish have nothing to feel glum about, and much to hold our heads high about. We will meet these BENKs again later in the season when we are even more deeply ensconced in the arcane mysteries of softball, so we will be sure to give them What For.
Join us next week, June 21, when we face the Shadow Masks on field 2.
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